Pressing Forward…Glancing Back

the BEAUTIFUL MESS of my life

To Begin a New Year Straight Up….. January 24, 2012

Filed under: Beautiful Mess,Family Fun,Hallelujahs,Photos — dsmerchek @ 12:47 pm
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And so begins 2012….   Never in a million years did I think we would be here at the end of 2011!  My plans were so neatly made and everything was supposed to be….well… different.  I don’t know why I have to keep learning that God does not work that way!   

This year literally ZOOMED by!  I don’t know how it could go so fast!  At any rate, I wanted to recap the major events of 2011 in our crazy, wonderful household.

January: We started the year with our son mooning over a girl he left in Chicago.  She had to finish high school.  Long distance relationships are never fun! 

March:  This month ended our USAG meet schedule, but Shaye’s coach threw us a monkey wrench and took her on to a new format of competition: AAU.   What I thought was the end of a hectic meet schedule now extended into July!  Yikes!

April:  The month of Easter brought an additional member to our household.  Neal needed a place where he could get his life straightened out and begin again.

May:  Jon’s fiance, Taylor, graduated from high school and made the long trek to our home from Chicago, in order to be with him.  Jon moved in with his grandparents so she could have his bedroom.  B’Elanna also ended her last year of ballet “pre-pointe”. 

                                                                                                                                                                                     July:  Shaye was 2011 AAU National Gymnastics Champion!   The girls and I took a fabulous trip to Florida and they got to see the ocean for the first time.

    On our way back from the Orlando area, we made a 2 day stop near Atlanta, GA and Aubrey finally met Randy after talking with him online for 5 years!  God certainly works in strange ways! 

August:  I made the bittersweet decision to put Shaye in public Middle School.  (This ended up being a very good decision despite all my worries!)

September:   Taylor moved out of our home and into her own apartment.  Jon moved with her, but God still prevailed!

October:  Randy made the trip to Kansas for Aubrey’s 18th birthday.  Aubrey did her first debut of a costume of her design.  We treated Randy and his mom to the Renaissance Festival; something they had never encountered before. 

November:  Neal moved into his own apartment and I foolishly thought God was finished bringing additional members to our household.

December:  God brought Vy to our home.  He even provided a bedroom set for her, completely FREE!   

Our year’s finale was Jon’s wedding to Taylor a short week before Christmas.

It has been a year of decisions, tears, heartache, happiness and beginnings.  God knows what He is doing and I am learning how to trust and obey!

“I Lift My Hands”
by Chris Tomlin

 
Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weakLet faith arise
Let faith arise
 
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
 
Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary’s tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me

So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes
Open my eyes

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever

 

THIS Monday Musing…. September 27, 2010

Filed under: Beautiful Mess,Hallelujahs — dsmerchek @ 3:15 pm
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This definitely was a day that I literally had to make myself sit down and restart my attempt to begin each week listing the ways that God shows He truly loves me.   Sometimes I wonder why we have to go through all these things as parents!   Lately, I have noticed my heart full of conflicting emotions:  aching, mother-heart full of worry and near disappointment mixed with the soothing balm of God’s peace and the wonder of watching Him do HUGE things for my child;  ”momma-bearish” conversations mixed with gently-whispered reminders to my soul that my job is to serve Him not “them”;  and repeated explanations laced with ever increasing doses of  Calm…HIS calm.   So today of all days, after a weekend full of discussing,  praying and… finally… just…listening….

I enlisted the help of 4 of my most precious gifts to add to my list! 

From my eldest…

0046   God and ALL that He is

0047   HUGE, PERFECT, GOD-GIVEN signs that what you are doing is the right thing.

0048   a beautiful girl who has a passion for God and His will in her life

0049  God’s continued blessing on my life

0050  New “Missions” directed of God

0051  Music to soothe my soul

0052  Bestfriend/Room mate  who sticks with me through it all

0053  Many family members to come to for advice and support

0054  Lucy (his yellow lab)

0055  Musical talent to play the music that soothes my soul

 

From my high school daughter…

0056    Fall weather

0057   Stars and Harvest Moon

0058   Zorro (her black and white border collie)

0059   Online Friends

0060  Inside jokes

0062  Failed Doodles

 

From my junior high daughter…

0063  Lisa (best friend from youth group) 

0064  Church

0065   Jon (big brother)

0066  Pastor Andy  (youth minister)

0067   Small group leaders

 

From my littlest daughter….

0067   New quilts

0068  Jesus

0069  Mom and Dad, sisters and brother

0070  Family

And lastly from me….
0071  Altars that are ALWAYS open
0072  A God that is ALWAYS accessible
0073  His Peace that is ALWAYS present
0074  His work that is ALWAYS good
0075   His timing that is ALWAYS perfect!
 
 
holy experience
 

Pool Princesses August 21, 2010

Filed under: Family Fun,Photos — dsmerchek @ 11:01 pm
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We have been very blessed this summer

to again have access to “Ducky Grandma’s”

pool.  It is a short 22 second drive to their

house from ours. 

We timed it one day…. seriously! 

So most every summer day ends with a late

afternoon swim with or without grandma. 

I love the pictures I took this year of the

girls in the pool, so I thought as the

summer ends I would post these

pictures for all to enjoy!

Ta-Da!!!

Rubber Ducky, You're the One....

I'm Dancing... Not Diving

B's version of Dead Man's Float

Rock On Sister!

Ever the Gymnast

She's not heavy, she's my sister!

 

Monday MORNING Musing August 16, 2010

Filed under: Hallelujahs — dsmerchek @ 12:01 pm
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Seeing as I am not a morning person, this is a first for me!  (Although, it is late…10:30am)  I sit here in disbelief.  Disbelief that it is truly the middle of August,  disbelief that I truly do not have a game plan for my homeschool as of yet (Dont worry ! That will be completed by the end of the week), disbelief that my son heads back for his SECOND year of college on the 29th, and just plain disbelief that the entire summer has passed me by in the blink of an eye!  So, as I struggle to get up out of my slump and gaze bleary-eyed at my LONG list of things to do, I wanted to start the week off right with counting my MANY blessings!

0021  Safe travel to and from Chicago this last week

0022  Jon home for 18 days

0023  Tayy  (see pix)

0024  Slightly cooler weather

0025  God’s answer in the form of a firmly closed door

0026  Boxes of unused curriculum to choose from (saving $$)

0027  Speeding Tickets  :0(

0028  Tires that won’t stay inflated 

0029  God’s presence in a Sunday School Class

0030  Adult son and his girlfriend willing and EAGER to come to church with our family

0031  Loving relatives willing to step up and help

0032  Reliable jobs for me and my hubby (no layoffs in sight)

0033  Lack of activities for this school year allowing us to slow down and focus on each other

0034  Adult son willing to listen to words of wisdom from his parents

0035  Adult son setting good examples for his sisters

0036  Realizing (again) that I serve a God of Power and Miracles 

0037  Fall exercise classes that coincide with Shaye’s parctice schedule so I can attempt to meet my goal of improving my health

0038  Possible dance classes at a discount, located in the same place at the same time as sister’s gymnastic practices.

0039  Kansas City Art classes for an “artsy” teenager 

0040  A dear friends obedience to God in the form of a heartfelt email

0041 Rainbows

0042 Thunderstorms bringing cool rain

0043 $15 Porch Swing

0044  15% discount on dance supplies

0045  Glowing smiles from an intense gymnast over a new floor routine

 

Smoke on the Mountain August 5, 2010

Filed under: Family Fun,Vacation — dsmerchek @ 12:23 pm
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    It has now been 5 days since we returned from HOT Branson to HOT Topeka!  We had a fun while there and for some reason it is taking me the better part of a week to recover!  I really did not think we had overdone it!  On Tuesday of our vacation, we went to see Smoke on the Mountain.  If you are ever in Branson, you should see this show.  It is held in the Little Opry Theatre which makes it more interactive and personal.  It is a simple little show.   It is also unabashedly Christ-inspired!   We laughed until there were tears streaming down our faces and our sides ached.  B’Elanna sat beside me and I thought she was going to split a gut!  It was even good, wholesome fun  for the littler ones!  The best part about the whole show, was the memories it evoked in me! 

The Children of the World (Summer 1983)

    While I was growing up, my family was known as The Children of the World.  We traveled weekends to churches all over the Midwest holding “mini-revivals”.  I remember coming home from school on Friday and packing up the bus so that when my father came home from work we could all pile in and drive up to 250 miles away.  We started the weekend with a mens breakfast on Saturday morning, followed by a ladies luncheon and a teen event on Saturday evening.   We then did both the Sunday morning and Sunday evening services.  I remember lots of church potlucks.  Yumm!  I also remember many, many small churches filled with wonderful people in that 250 mile radius around Topeka.  I cannot tell you how many times we drive through a small town now and I see a church that we went to at some point.  I am the oldest in my family of 14 kids.  I think that is why I am so hard on myself!  (At the time that we traveled there were 11 kids.  My youngest 3 siblings arrived to the Ruecker household after I was married. )

Mom and Reggie

     One of my favorite memories is the sack lunches that were often provided for us as we packed up the bus on Sunday evening and pulled out of a church parking lot waving to the crowd of people we were leaving behind.  We usually all had a different lunches as various families would make a lunch for one or two of us.  It usually became a huge bartering session over the many treats and things that were in our lunches.  “I’ll trade my egg salad sandwich for your Twinkie!”   I really think those people thought we were starving.  It seems like we had a LOT of food in each of those little brown paper bags.  I also remember sitting on the bus steps while my father drove late into the night on Sunday night and talking with him while the rest of the family slept.  He and I would have competitions to see who could name the most hymns!    Once, when returning home at the crack of dawn, we decided to continue to sleep in the bus and go into the house when we all awakened.  Dad pulled the bus onto the back patio slab and we all settled in.  We ended up weathering out tornadic weather in the early morning light!    I can tell you first hand that this is not something you want to wait in a bus for!   When we emerged from the bus, the trees were all on the ground, but the house and the bus were intact! 

     The Smoke on the Mountain show starts with the family of singers arriving late to their own church service because they tipped over the bus looking out at all the cucumbers floating down the river.  (Don’t ask!)   I remember once when our bus broke down on the way to a service.   Several members of the congregation came and “rescued” us in their cars.  We loaded up 4 or 5 cars with all of our equipment and our clothes.  Then we were parceled out 2 or 3 or 4 at a time to each car and toted to the church.   As our caravan arrived, we were horrified to discover that not only was the church packed to the gills with what seemed like hundreds of people, but they had been there waiting for over an hour and a half.  So, while the audience continued to wait,  we set up and got ready and then held the service!  God always prevails!

     I think God used this little show in all its simplicity to remind me of the wonderful inheritance I received from my parents.  And, to remind me that families should be making memories.  He is working in the Smerchek household right now and this next school year holds many unknowns and new experiences.  I don’t like to feel unsure and out of control (my “oldest child” disposition).  I despise not having a plan in front of me!  But, it seems that God is leading me along that path for a time right now.  I know in my heart that all the pieces will fall into place.  That is just the way God works.  But, I struggle so to keep looking forward and let Him work!  I want to glance back at what is safe and known.   So pray for us, my dear friends, that God will continue to lead and that our hearts will be softened before Him and enable us to follow.  And when the Smoke clears, may our lives reflect the glory of Him and what only He can do!

 

Stand Still and Watch! July 14, 2010

Filed under: Beautiful Mess,Those Teenage Years,Tiny Gymnast — dsmerchek @ 12:30 am
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 Do not be afraid

Just Stand Still and

Watch....

Exodus 14:12 

Funny that God should bring that particular verse to me now!  Even funnier that I found it while searching for clipart for the girls’ church camp pictures!   I read those words and goosebumps rose all over my arms. 

This weekend was fraught with  momma-typical  worries:  “What if I am not doing the right thing?”  “What if this is not a good decision?”   “How do I know that this is what we need to do?”   But the answers were not to be mine.  God had another very different plan! 

The answers all came from my 12 year olds heart on a long drive home from Bible Camp.  “Mom, I have prayed and prayed  and I KNOW that I am to go back to LGA.”   Tears streaming down her face, she shared how God has been speaking to her, how uncomfortable she is with crying over things close to her heart and how much she wants her talents to shine the Glory of God for those who watch her.  She confided how God had shown to her that her actions speak even louder than her words.  And she made it very clear that in her gymnast heart, she wants all to see WHO she serves by her competition out on the meet floor.

Shaye started gymnastics as a surprise session with a special friend one hot July.  She was just 7.  By December, they had invited her to be on their team.  She has now progressed to an “optional” gymnast, as beautiful in spirit as she is in her perfectly toned body!  Each level accomplished surpassing the last with it’s own roller coaster of  weals and woes.   She is starting a new adventure this week.  Everything  in my being tells me it is so.  God has granted peace with each hard decision to make, from juggling  work schedules around to telling the gym she is not coming back.  He has even allowed some grace to be supplied by those who are not even aware they admonished gentle words of wisdom to this aching mothers heart. 

I am so very confident in her ‘new’ coach and his ability to train her appropriately.  I am even more confident in the coach-athlete relationship they share.  But, I have to confess I have struggled with the decision to go out of Topeka for training; mostly because of the inconvenience of not having a gym nearby.  As the mother of multiple children, I do not want to slight any one of them the much needed time with mom.

But, God prevailed.  The needed decisions were made.  The dates were set.  His peace was found.   And we’re off to a new start!    Please pray with me for my very talented daughter.   She will compete in the National Games in San Diego, CA in August 2011.  In her heart of hearts, she wants so badly to shine there for Jesus!  Pray that this will be so!

 
 

First meet ever! December 2006

 

Competing post broken arm #1 February 2007

Broken Arm #2, Performing beam routine at Intersquad Meet November 2007

 

Level 5 2007-2008 Season (post broken arm #2)

State Competition March 2008

1st Place All-Around January 2009

2nd Place Balance Beam, January 2009

Split Leap February 2010

 

Floor Routine State Competition March 2010

Back Layout State Competition March 2010

Beam run-through State 2010

Back Handspring on Beam State 2010

 

"Gripping Up" for Uneven Bars at State 2010

Giants on the high bar State 2010

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***Most photos compliments of  Pixel Perfect Photography***

 

 

Late Monday Musing…. July 12, 2010

Filed under: Hallelujahs — dsmerchek @ 10:45 pm
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Today was filled

with mixed

feelings and

fatigue from a

weekend

of difficult

       decisions…. 

 

So, with much determination, as

well as a heart that is much

less heavy, I NEED

to count blessings this Monday!

0011  Church camps for giggly little girls

0012  College student “counselors” for a week so moms don’t have  to go

0013  Threesome dinner-date with ONE teenage daughter and her daddy

0014  Diet Coke :0)

0015  Sunshine AND air-conditioning

0016  Junior high sleepovers for friends that need to comfort each other

0017  One snuggly kitten that is certain that I am also HER momma 

0018  God-breathed understanding to calm a momma’s aching heart

0019  Wisdom gained from another’s gentle admonitions

0020  God’s peace, God’s peace, God’s peace!

 

Multitude Monday….. July 5, 2010

Filed under: Family Fun,Hallelujahs — dsmerchek @ 8:36 pm
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After a full and fun 4th of July weekend, I am determined to start my Multitude Monday list.  Join me as I attempt to add to this endless list of gifts every Monday… to begin my weeks with a heart spilling with gratitude!

I feel compelled to begin giving thanks for a thousand graces — to

glorify Him in all things!  And I pray He’ll use this to

transform the ways in my life! 

0001 Sparklers

I pray that He may open the eyes of your heart too.   And that you too will begin thinking about making your life all about worship and counting 1000 gifts!  

 I have been warned that counting gifts is addictive and becomes the happiest of habits that blossoms into a way of living praise

0002 Grandmas

0003 Cousins to be chums with

0004 Fireworks to light up the night sky

0005 High School Daughters

0006 Junior High Daughters

0007 Flowers

0008  Freedom

0009  Rainy mornings to sleep in

0010  God’s Peace in the midst of difficult decisions

 

  (Some text borrowed from Ann Vosberg’s website  Multitude Mondays“)

 

 

Beautiful Mess… June 22, 2010

Filed under: Beautiful Mess — dsmerchek @ 11:50 am
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Ok, so I admit it.  

The idea of blogging was simply intriguing at first.  But then God started laying it on my heart that I needed to journal the changes in my life so that it may influence others for Him.  The newest song by Amy Grant “Better than a Hallelujah” keeps ringing in my mind. 

Beautiful the mess we are…. 

Yep! That would be me!  

The earlier part of this year seemed long…and dark…and dead….  I am sure God was working, but I was feeling… absolutely nothing.  Even though I was sure that God has called me to home school, I caught myself watching the school buses go by and wondering if they were better off on them.  Once I even looked up tuition rates at the local private schools and contemplated whether or not working full time would suffice to pay for it.  Well meaning family members told me I would be happier with them “out of the house” all day.  But God’s small sweet whispers kept telling me that this was not what He had planned.  

My son left for college, my girls mourned his absence.  He was home for 2 weeks and left again for Chicago, following Gods will for his life.  Again, my girls were swept into a mourning mode.  I am certain that Jon is doing what God wants for him to do, so why the turmoil?  The girls and I still plod along on school work left over from poorly planned days and too-busy schedules. ”This coming school year has to be better!” I sternly tell myself. 

Watching God work in my eldest this summer, I find myself awakening, reviving and feeling new again.  As I strive to purge my household of all the dirt left over from the dark and dreary months past, I find myself purging my heart and my soul.  Emptying the trash of loneliness, self-pity and pure laziness along with the papers and dust bunnies and junk.   I might be a mess….  God most certainly needs to do some fixing….  I am beautiful to Him.  So I lay myself prostrate before my Lord, arms outstretched, palms open wide to receive what He has and give what He takes.  I pour out my misery to Him, finally understandiing that my misery is His melody!  And He can make my life into His Beautiful Mess!

 

 
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